Let’s get right to it. It’s time for a little truth. Today’s topic is MOM FASHION.
This is no joking matter. It’s imperative that if you are a mom, or know a mom, you pay close attention to the instructions I’m about to lay out for you. Free advice, coming to you right on this blog.
It’s time we had a little chat about fashion. I’ve held off for long enough, but I’m afraid the fashionista in me has been silent for too long. I need to roar. (Part of that could be because I’m a Leo, and we like to be heard).
Moms out there, listen up. Here are some fashion tips from a former fashion consultant (me):
#1: I must address the tennis skirt. We cannot wear the tennis skirt as a piece of general clothing. It’s a tennis skirt, for crying out loud. Let’s face it, there are only two places we should really wear the tennis skirt: (1) on the tennis court, or (2) maybe during some other form of exercise. The point is, those things were made for exercise, and were not made to be worn all over God’s creation as our general form of dress.
#2: For Heaven’s sake, if you’re going to the theatre, please DRESS UP. It hurts to see people attend shows at the Hippodrome, The Kennedy Center, or on Broadway in New York wearing cut off shorts and flip-flops. My friend Bari and I marveled at the inappropriate dress we witnessed a couple of weeks ago at an evening benefit performance by Kristin Chenoweth at the Hippodrome in Baltimore. It’s not casual night at the ballpark; it’s the THEATRE. I saw women in Orioles tees and shorts. No. No. No! Put on a dress and some heels or some snappy flats. Wear a cute skirt or slacks with a jazzy top. The theatre is worth getting dressed up for.
#3: Wear something nice to CHURCH. Do I need to say anything more? I understand that God probably doesn’t care what we wear to church, as long as we’re there, but he probably wouldn’t mind a bit if you wore something nice. Think about it this way: If you were having a dinner party and a woman showed up in short-shorts and no bra and a man showed up with no shirt on, wouldn’t you wonder about their decision-making capabilities and sincerity? God must be wondering what you’re up to when you’re in His House wearing something better suited for a tailgate party.
#4: Please consider dressing up for date night with your significant other. I’m not saying you have to wear a backless dress and 6-inch platforms (though your significant other might actually dig it), but I am saying that you might want to leave the cropped pants and baggy, tent dress behind, and throw on something cute. Or sexy. Or voluptuous. Give it a whirl and see the reaction you get.
#5: Think through what you might wear for Girls Night Out. It’s common knowledge in the fashion world that women dress for other women. It’s true. Women have a secret little competition going on between themselves and other women. Think about it: It’s other women who say, “Oh, I love that necklace,” or “Jeez, your shoes are hot!” It’s not the men. So on your next ladies night out, knock their socks off. Wear something that’s a conversation piece: the dress, the shoes, the jewelry, the hat, the sequined top…whatever it is, dress for the other women and see what they say.
Moms, you know I love you. I’m a mom too. Just because we’re moms doesn’t mean we have to sacrifice style. Isn’t that what Stacy and Clinton have preached for years on “What Not To Wear”? Stacy London was my idol for years. She knows her stuff. Now, I admit that I don’t always wear the trendiest clothes when I’m running to the grocery store, a chore we’ve already established that I detest with passion. But you’ll never catch me in flip-flops and a “Birds Are #1” t-shirt at the Hippodrome.
That I would save for Camden Yards.